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Chapter 21: Selfishness

Many will say that your Ol’ Gramps is very selfish and doesn’t care about anyone but himself. The “many” would be absolutely correct. How could I not be selfish and completely self-centered after finding out that the entire reality of my conscious existence upon Earth is an involuntary product of my True Self’s advanced brain? Everyone is completely selfish … ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE.

If you’re not acting selfishly, then you’re not going to be happy. If you think and do what others want you to think and do, what others need you to think and do, what others expect you to think and do to support their desires and fulfill their expectations, then you’re not thinking and living for your own self. You are living for them, and are selfless. You are more concerned with the needs and wishes of others than with your own.

But think about what selfless actually means. If you’re selfless, you’re less your Self. You are not who YOU really are. YOU are who others want and expect you to be. You lack any authentication of YOU as an individual, as an independent life form with free will. YOU are not really being YOU.

Remember, most everything that this world thinks is good is actually bad for the true purpose for which the mortal experience exists. Always keep in mind that we exist as mortals (dream characters) to perform an involuntary function for our True Self’s advanced brain.

If you understood this concept correctly, you would understand that none of us is really in control of what we do during our mortal existence. We are participating in a dream that forms in the brain of our advanced body according to its needs. Again, next time you dream, try to control what happens to you in the dream. You can’t, can you?

And now, Ol Gramps is going to prove this concept empirically … or at least give it my best. Are you ready?

Think about the reality of how we all started out in our experience upon this earth. We were little children. We acted selfishly in all that we did as little children. We had no concern for others, unless the concern led to another doing something for us. Babies are upset when their mother is upset. This is not because the baby has any real concern for the mother and why she’s upset (a baby couldn’t possibly understand why mom is crying). It is because the mother’s attention and good emotions towards the baby have changed and are not serving the baby’s needs any longer.

Yep, little children are naturally what we were supposed to be like throughout our entire mortal existence. Yep, they are selfish. They are only concerned with their own needs and curiously exploring the new world in which they now exist.

A little child, who is by nature very, very selfish and self-centered, is taught how to be selfless … how to lose the innocence and purity of a child and become a messed-up adult. And adult (parent) teaches a little child how to serve the needs of the messed-up adult (parent), who needs to be loved unconditionally in a world that doesn’t love the aged child (adult) unconditionally.

What better way for selfish humans to serve their own needs of love than to create another human who totally needs them and is completely dependent on them? And what kind of adult is going to choose to create a child and introduce the new human being into this messed-up world? This is a world which throws the human out of its secure home at 18 years old, or sooner, forcing them to become a slave. This creates messed-up adults who lose their own self-worth and soul to a world created by a bunch of other humans. All humans are trying to be as loved unconditionally as they once were as little children.

That’s really what this world is all about, Grandkids … finding someone or something to accept you for you, like your mom did when you were a little child, loving you for YOU. The world is populated by a bunch of aged children who were once loved and supported in their primordial (existing from the beginning) wants and needs, only to be taught to set aside their own needs and serve someone else’s.

Those in this world love you as you love them. Another person is going to love you IF, and only IF, you love them back. If the person isn’t your mother, that “b****” (speaking emphatically only to bring out a well-deserved point) is not going to love you for YOU. She is only going to love you for loving her.

That’s right. Also, the selfish person with whom you fall in love has somehow convinced you that she (or he) has what you need. She (or he) has convinced you that she loves you. In truth, during the dating and courting process, you are trying to convince her that you have what she needs.

And it came to pass that all humans upon the earth began searching for the same unconditional love and acceptance that they naturally received from their mothers. As humans search for this person, their need to be loved as they once were, as a child, becomes overwhelming. To be loved unconditionally, they have to pretend to love unconditionally, because everyone is after the same unconditional love.

And it came to pass that humans acted like they were selfless and that they wanted to give their heart and soul to another human. They did this in order to serve the other human, which made the other human love them exponentially (more and more) to the same degree that they were serving the needs of the other. And thus humans began to fall in love.

And it came to pass that humans start out their relationships with someone whom they feel will love them and serve their needs. It soon becomes apparent, however, that neither human is in the relationship to serve the other. Instead, they are in the relationship to serve their own self and their own needs. So, they marry; and they divorce. And with the same degree that they once loved the other, they come to hate the other.

When you were a little child …

You learned to smile and laugh to make your mom smile and laugh so that she would give you more attention. And, when laughing and smiling didn’t work because Mom was in the other room and couldn’t see you laughing and smiling, then, to get the attention, you learned to scream, yell, and make as much noise as possible. This made Mom annoyed enough to start giving you attention again.

Then, Mom started putting guilt on you, complaining, “You’re not making Mommy happy by doing that!”

Yep, by acting like a little selfish child (whose mortal brain is acting perfectly according to the needs of its True Self’s advanced brain), you are not making your mommy happy. To make Mommy happy, you learn how to be an older child, by serving Mommy’s needs in order to get what you want from Mommy.

As a little child, the advanced human (who connected to this mortal infant’s brain) no longer acts for the true purpose for which it is supposed to exist. This child begins to be selfless … unselfishly giving others what others need to feel good about their own existence.

What a messed-up world, right? What if all new humans born on this planet, from the day they were born to the day that they died, were treated as little children? What if all humans had their basic needs of food, clothing, shelter, and healthcare provided for them, as little children do … or are supposed to? What if no humans were forced to act or allow themselves to be acted upon (by being dependent on another to survive) for the sake of another?

What if this world were a place where humans could be created to act with unconditional free will, fulfilling the needs we all had as little children — doing things OUR way? What if none of us were forced to work, making someone else rich, for our own survival — allowing the other to gain financial independence and advantage to do what that one wants?

As little children, we started our life acting perfectly in accord with why we actually exist as mortals in the first place. We exercised individual free will, serving the needs of our advanced brain that is dreaming the experience of mortal life. What made it so that we could not fulfill the measure for which we were created?

The answer:

Others also want their own free will to be fulfilled. Others see us as simple pawns in their own chess game of strategy, competing to see who can gain the ability to exercise more individual free will than another. They don’t really see any harm that comes to us, by forcing us to comply with and support their free will by being …


Who came up with that word anyway? Our parents did! What little child feels any guilt for being completely selfish and self-centered? NONE. Stupid mortal parents teach their children to feel guilty and to give up their Self to make their parents happy.

And who uses the word “selfishness” to their own advantage to a greater degree than any other aged child living upon Earth? Religious people do!

Oh, God wants us to be unselfish. We show our unselfishness to God by giving 10% of our income (you know, the money we are forced to make, making someone else rich, in order to survive) to God. What does God do with all that money?

Now, back to my story …

On June 16, 1987, I had to work the graveyard shift (11 p.m. to 7 a.m. the next day). I went to work with a smile on my face and with a heart and mind brimming with the knowledge that I had access to every part of the LDS/Mormon Church. Over the previous months, I had gained access to every room, every niche, and every corner I could possibly explore behind the scenes of one of the wealthiest religions upon Earth. My friends working in the security center (located underneath Temple Square, pretty much under the huge flagpole at the Square’s center) disengaged alarms for me while I explored. Of course, they wanted to know what I was finding out, too.

My entire perception of the LDS/Mormon Church had changed, especially the way I viewed the Church leaders. Now, I knew they were just men who loved being acknowledged as special by the members of the Church.

Another security officer and I were walking through the underground tunnels when three general authorities approached us.

“Here come the Three Stooges,” I said with a smile on my face. “Hello Brethren, how are you today?”

They heard the “Three Stooges” remark. In a couple of days, the security department released a department-wide memo that basically told all security officers not to speak to or address any general authority unless the leader spoke to one of us first. Yeah, really! I then saw the Church leaders exactly how the intelligent Greek writers of the Jesus story saw ALL church leaders:

“Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

“Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.

“Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.

“Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.

“Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness.

“Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.”

—Matthew 23:23–28.

Now, to me, these guys aren’t really wicked and “full of iniquity.” They are each advanced humans whose mortal life is playing out as their advanced brain needs their mortal life to play out. These white-skinned, fair men had all of their basic human needs completely provided for, without any want or need. I now knew that they were leading lives that were more consistent with the needs of their True Self by being leaders of a religion. All of our True Selves need to be valued as they really are — the most important person in the universe.

When these religious leaders (very aged children) walk into a room filled with LDS/Mormons, the people in the room stand up … in awe. Before June 16th, I was also in awe of them, despite the mortal weaknesses that I was witness to behind the scenes —  where most LDS/Mormons are not allowed and seldom see. To me, the twelve apostles were the twelve stooges and the first presidency was the Three Stooges. Until I quit my job a few months later (February 1988), I had a smile on my face every time I would come across one of these “whited sepulchres.”

I eventually made my way into the Church’s financial records which, at the time, weren’t secure at all. Once, upon entering the finance department, lo and behold, on the desk of the Director were the computer sheets that listed all of that month’s tithing receipts. This was insanity.

Think about this for a second (keep in mind that this was 1987):

Let’s say that there were 10 million LDS/Mormons on Earth. That figure is very conservative. Let’s say that, out of the 10 million members, only half were active. That’s five million active members. Let’s say, of the five million active members, only half were honest and paid a full 10% of their income to the Lord so they would be found “worthy” to go to the temple and receive God’s acknowledgment of their faithfulness. (Yep, if you don’t pay a full tithe, you cannot go to the temple.) So, that would mean that 2.5 million people paid 10% of their income to the LDS/Mormon Church.

You were considered poor and living in poverty if you only made $1000 per month. So, hypothetically (so that we can continue to be very conservative), let’s say that the 2.5 million members were all poor, and they paid $100 each. That would be 250 million dollars per month in tithing receipts … TAX-FREE! That would be three billion (with a b) dollars a year — to a religion!

That’s what I found out in the finance department the night I went through their records … and that was way, way, way conservative!

What does God do with all that money? God certainly isn’t investing it in taking care of the poor, because, in the LDS/Mormon Church, once a month, twelve-year-old boys go door-to-door, asking for donations for the poor. No one gives anything close to 10% of their income for these “Fast Offerings,” as they are called.

God does with His money what the Bible says His anointed priests should do with His money—build lots of homes for God … not just ordinary homes, but ostentatious, extravagant homes of the finest materials and structures. Currently, the LDS/Mormon Church has erected over 160 “Houses of God” throughout the world. Check out one of my favorite Mormon Temples:

Why does God need over 160 of these houses when millions of His creations are suffering in abject poverty and misery? Besides its tithing receipts, the LDS/Mormon Church is worth billions and billions of dollars because of the way that its “anointed” financial advisors have invested all that tithing in land, the stock market, and other business ventures. But, at the time, I still didn’t see the LDS/Mormons and their leaders as evil. To me, they were living out the dream of mortal life the only way it could be lived in this fallen world.

Let me try to explain this as simply and clearly as I can:

Think about your immune system. You have an entire “world” inside your body. This “world” has laws and rules that you don’t even realize are controlling all the “little people” therein. These “little people” in your body’s immune system represent your white blood cells. These cells exist to fulfill the measure of their creation, destroying anything that is not supposed to be in your blood.

They do their job automatically — without you even thinking about it. No matter how hard you think, you are not going to control your white blood cells and what they do. They act independent of your free will, on their own, as they were designed to do, protecting your body from sickness and death.

What if you could humanize your white blood cells and see them as actual, living beings (which they actually are), created to do what they do? They have a specific purpose in life — to protect the reason for which the human body exists.

Okay? Go with me on this …

Your advanced brain is made up of cells that have specific instructions to meet its needs. Your advanced brain has a Mortal Experience System, made up of specific cells that do what they are supposed to do. This allows your mortal life to begin by connecting to a wireless connective platform to which other advanced brains are connected, allowing the dream of mortal life to take place.

Your True Self gets to use its free will to connect to the platform but, once your advanced brain is connected, your True Self no longer has the free will to perform in the mortal experience. Your advanced brain has no more free will in mortal life than your mortal self has the free will to control the white blood cells of your immune system.

When we first connected to this platform with each other as advanced humans, allowing our advanced brains’ Mortal Experience System to do their thing (what they are supposed to do), there weren’t any bad cells — ones that didn’t belong. But the longer we stayed connected to the platform and found ourselves dealing with other free-willed players, some of the perfunctory acts (carried out without effort or thought) of their cells started not to jive with our own. These perfunctory cells not only produce stimulation in the mortal world, but also record what happens. These cells make up the Mortal Experience System (“MES”), consistent with the needs of each advanced brain, which is unique and independent.

And it came to pass that the “Cain” cells began to kill the “Abel” cells and threw the entire MES into a MESS.

Have you ever wondered why modern-aged children today like violent video games? You can be weak and enter the game as an avatar with the ability to beat up or kill anyone you want. What does your brain care? It’s just a game, right?

The more people you kill, the better you feel about your own Self. The better you feel about your own Self, regardless of what it takes to make you feel better about your Self, the happier you are. This feeling of happiness is consistent with what the cells that make up your advanced brain’s Mortal Experience System need.

On April 6, 1945, the United States dropped the first atomic bomb on the men, women, and little ones living in Hiroshima, Japan. The brain cells responsible for the MES of many Americans felt happy. They cheered! They said, “Yes! Good job!” And this response was perfectly in line with the needs of their True Self’s brain cells … perfectly.

When Japanese suicide bombers took off from their home base, knowing that they were going to sacrifice their lives by destroying American naval ships, they were happy and proud. This is because the cells in their advanced brains that create their mortal experience fought anything that was inconsistent and non-supportive of their true nature — the most important and incredible entity that exists, the True Self.

Hey … did you know that Jesus knew this, too? Did you know that Jesus said that man would be forgiven of ALL his sins — murder, rape, anything — regardless of what the act was, except one? Here’s how Jesus said it: “Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.” (Matthew 12:31; emphasis added.)

Yep. Even Jesus knew that all we do in this mortal existence is going to be forgiven and forgotten by the True God, except for ONE thing — becoming selfless by denying the “holy” part of each of us, which is who we really are and why we really exist.

Jesus was the ultimate selfish person. He didn’t care whose religion he offended. He just let that sharp two-edged sword come out of his mouth … just like Grandpa does.

People whom the world sees as selfless are those who sacrifice their time in serving others. People like it when they are seen as unselfish. They are seen as being good people by others. They feel good about themselves when others see them as unselfish … and there it is … there’s the point … “they feel good.” They are unselfish ONLY because it feels good. If it didn’t feel good, fulfilling their own selfish expectation of feeling good, would a person do it? Would a person do something that he or she knew would make them feel bad about themselves?

Now, what was Grandpa supposed to do with this knowledge? How was I supposed to act?

Your Grandpa would never intentionally hurt a fly … not a bug … without feeling bad about it. Even though I know the bugs will forgive me, I just don’t have it in my selfish nature to kill them … unless they’re in my house where they’re not supposed to be.

I know that an advanced human dreaming with me during this mortal life created a fly. Its purpose was to eat all the decomposing flesh of the other animals. This was needed because of the animals our selfish ancestors created for their selfish purposes; but flies annoy us.

So, someone created a spider. It’s the perfect bug. A spider doesn’t smell. It doesn’t make a sound. And it kills flies. A spider has perfectly arranged cell materials that serve a human purpose. So, why are we afraid of little spiders that we can crush with a finger, when they do so much good for us? We fear them for the exact same reason that we fear other people sharing our mortal experience — those who don’t act like we need them to act.

We’ve got no problem killing spiders or the person who threatens our purpose for living … no problem at all. And now, back to my story:

After I quit LDS Church Security, I had Jackie throw away all of our worldly clothes and dress us like the Amish … very simply … very unworldly. We gave away most of our possessions, loaded up a small trailer made from the back of an old Ford pickup, and headed for a place of great significance.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, it would be the last place where I would spend my very last incarnate … not as a twelve-year-old boy gathering Fast Offerings … but as a twelve-year-old Inpendius-like savant who will know who he is and what life is all about.

Then, instead of killing spiders and flies (animals that weren’t supposed to be part of the MESs we created on this planet), that boy will perform his last act upon this earth. He will put the entire human race and everything that it has created over billions of years of mortal existence, out of its own misery. There won’t be any more unhappy experiences created by the cells in the advanced brain’s Mortal Experience System. Finally, there will be peace.

I moved Jackie (who was pregnant at the time), Brittany, and Joshua to Grandview, Jackson County, Missouri. We didn’t have any health insurance but I knew I could deliver Jackie’s first child as well as any doctor could. I could do it how it had been done for millions of years, ever since the first mortal started hiding the creation of a new person’s body in the womb of a female, only to be forced out with great pain and a lot of blood. (Yeah, our advanced brain’s cells didn’t like this forced way of creating a new mortal body.)

On April 9, 1988, on the front-room floor of our small two-bedroom apartment in Grandview, Missouri, I delivered a baby perfectly, and Jackie was incredible. Christopher Marc Nemelka, Jr. was born … WAIT … What? Who is Christopher Marc Nemelka, Jr.?

Well, ask Grandma Jackie. We had planned that, if a boy was born, we were going to give the little guy my own name. We had agreed upon it. Shortly after he was born, I called the government offices you have to call to report a home birth. The lady on the other end of the phone asked me, “What is the baby’s first name?”

“Brandon Marc Nemelka” came out of my mouth!

“What?” Jackie called out from the other room. “I thought we were going to name him Christopher Marc Nemelka, Jr.?” she inquired with confusion.

At the time, I had no clue why “Brandon” came out of my mouth, rather than “Christopher, Jr.” But, keep in mind, my mortal brain was more closely connected to our real world, where our True Selves actually live. Had Jackie’s firstborn taken my name — after all that I have done in confronting the world and calling it evil, after everything that I have done — that poor boy would never have had the appropriate chance to become his own Self. He would have always been associated with my name.

Selfishly, it would have been cool to have another human named after me. But Grandpa’s True Self can hardly kill a bug. How was I going to give Brandon a name that would have destroyed his imperfect mortal life? And you can bet that Grandma Jackie is so glad that I didn’t give her firstborn son my name. Jackie pretty much hates my guts and thinks I’m a nutcase.

I was living life as I wanted, not how Jackie particularly wanted, and certainly not like my family and Paula’s family wanted. We were living as poor migrant workers. What kind of life was that for Paula’s children?

To me, it was the perfect life … one in which I didn’t care what the world thought. I was going to help my children learn how to be happy, completely consistent with their True Self.

But anyways …